Hurricane Irene is here

Things don't look so good for the blog, so I got out my crayons and drew this chart.

Isn't it Ironic...

Vs.

Things that make you go hmm....

Well ladies since I've last seen you I feel like what I've been on is a scavenger hunt of the most ridiculous things my eyes have ever seen. It seems as though lately the universe has just been tossing me these treats as if to test my humor. Well guess what universe - I get it...

For starters...let me start you with this...

Yes this subaru has a lovely bike rack. Does it need to be used to hold a toddlers bike?? Maybe some of you moms can answer this one. but it seemed as though they had ample room in the car to store this tiny bike and could have saved me the trouble of nearly swerving off the road to capture this pic.

Speaking of nearly swerving off the road to capture a pic..

I'm not entirely sure this needs an explanation. Yes it's a tiny dog on the back of a hog. and yes - he's wearing doggy goggles...safety first I guess...

Speaking of safety first....hey Erin did you pull your back out getting into your car this day??? Just put this up for the classical laugh

Now this one is more for you ladies. I recently parked behind a car, was rushing out and look up and what do my eyes appears but a little old lady waddling out of her car with this license plate...

Was it my own version of that movie where you get to see your own future? Maybe. but I'd like to see the future bring me something better than an O2 tank, a 2002 Impala, and a bad perm of my short white hair.

But perhaps the most shocking of things my eyes have seen has to be this...

If swunt isn't a word - then I don't know what is...

It's Wednesday...

I just wanted to say
"Hi"
And check in- how is everyone?

Britt- are u getting amped up for sushi mania 2?!?
Jax- are u still fuming about the small number of comments from your last post? (I would be.)
Linds- are u still sanding every day?
Katy- have u accepted the invite to be an author on this blog yet?
Tara- are you still convinced that u will get amazing charts from your sister to post here during vacation?
Web... Sarah... Others...
Hello???
Is this thing turned on???

I made a few charts last night, but they were totally non-sensical. I might still post them here anyway.

It's Part of the Hippocratic Oath...

8:30pm - Eating ice cream on the beach in Narraganset. Katy is not supposed to be on call, but due to miscommunication among her subordinates, receives a call from the hospital.

Lab: "Your patient's lab results from 3:30 this afternoon are in. His blood sugar level is 2."

Katy: "Great, so he is probably dead. Now I'm gonna have to go to a wake."

Minutes of discussion on the inappropriate hilarity of the lab taking so long to get those vital results back.

Jackie: "Wait, why would you have to go to the wake?"

Katy: "It's part of the hippocratic oath."

Sarah: "That's just plain ridiculous..."

T-shirt that Katy will inevitably have to wear to the wake, showing her support of the family on behalf of vacationing medical professionals everywhere:






























*Disclaimer: It is not likely that Katy's patient actually died, as he is a long-time sufferer of diabetes and should have had the common sense to recognize his plummeting blood sugar level and give himself an insulin shot

Opps...I did it again!

Ok...I had to post something, this was getting borderline REDIC! First...instead of creating a T-shirt I did something even BETTER (only because I didn't know how to create one) and made a Banner, with clip art....BE "J". Second, you will see the graph that follows discussing the current outlook and productivity...

First Image: Second Image:

WTF? And no not the family

It's been a week and no new posts? :(

A chart on this topic is pending.....stay tuned

DEPRESSION

I LOVE ALL YOU FBAGS AND WILL MISS YOU SOO SMURFIN MUCH IT HURTS MY HEART!!!!!!

A chart will follow at some point!
xo

As fast as I can...

FIRST, I'd like to thank Jaxson and COMPLIMENT HER for single handedly keeping this blog and the morale UP, UP, UP... THANK YOU

Without your (slightly threatening) encouragement, and depressing expressions of your waivering mental health status, I would not have (literally) DROPPED EVERYTHING i WAS WORKING ON to post some graphs...

CHART ONE: EXPLANATION
OF MY TIME SPENT AT WORK TODAY



As you can see, I didn't have time CREATE the CHART the proper way, with data, and spreadsheets, and whatnot...
but I wanted to respond quickly, so I just drew them on the back of a napkin and uploaded them as fast as I could!!!

The next bar graph is meant to show the things in my life that get a "quick response" when they/he/she call out in need:



I hope this proves my level of devotion and commitment to my IMPORTANT commitments!

Wait...

For fear that the previous post might be too 'negative' for some more 'sensitive' types, I just wanted to reinforce that, in all actuality, I am very much looking forward to the game tonight, as well as the pooler caddy, and will not be spending that time in bed. See...

Where is the enthusiasm?

I'm disappointed in the activity of the blog this past week. Because there has been none. Activity that is. If that is in any way unclear, I have created a chart to express the exact amount of activity that there's been on "Charts, Graphs, and T-Shirt Ideas". See below.


















I know that I, myself, am as much to blame as anyone else. However, having been previously disappointed by the reaction and comments to the past couple of posts, I've been feeling that enthusiasm for the blog has dipped. This is really affecting my emotions, as you can see in the graph below.

















It really doesn't take much to keep me 'happy'. Even an activity rating of 2, on a scale of 0-10 keeps me from slight disappointment. But with the recent '0' activity, my only hope is that Katy can write me a prescription for something to help me with my blog-post-deprivation-depression, else I might not be able to get out of bed to play tonight.

No Reward! Or is there?

Ok so I went for a run yesterday at the trail and when I got back to the parking lot I saw this sign and had to take a picture of it. Albeit I feel bad for the cat, I couldn't help but think about missing missy...

The Importance of Planned vs Actual

As a financial professional (insert your laugh here) - I am constantly reminded of the importance of planned versus actuals. In work mode that tends to be financially driven numbers. If the actual spend is less than we planned, I'm doing my job right. Since they've kept me around this long and I tend to save my company money - I must be good at comparing planned vs. actuals. Now some may think that this knowledge and experience would shadow over into my personal life. And to those folks I'd say - boy are you wrong.

I tried to reason this into my life with my planning to break up with someone I had been seeing. As I spoke to some of you at cooler caddy - you were aware - others were apparently "Shocked" (see Jackie's post below) - which let me tell you - you are NOT the only one.....

However don't feel bad for Boy X just yet. I gave him plenty of warning signs, he just chose to over look them.

Now as far as how the actual event went let me start by providing the best advice I think I've ever received to date, courtesy of Teri:

• "You need to arrive early....order a dirty martini....slam it down....order another dirty martini....now this next step Sarah is so important - PAY YOUR TAB. You do NOT want to break up with him and THEN have to wait for the Tab to arrive. Trust me!!"
  

When I went home that night I thought about what I was going to say....which obviously lead me to think about how he would react...

Compared to how it ACTUALLY went down.....

For those that are chart illiterate (Tara) - I was left at the bar. To which my immediate response was relief and of course uncontrollable laughter. When I got back into my car George Michael's "Freedom" was playing on my radio (no joke) - and I felt as though that was all the closure I needed...

This Just In...Shocking News!!

In your life, there are people you don't tell your important personal information to...strange co-workers, your friends' in-laws, DCF employees, the chef at Sushi Palace, your parents...but your softball team is never on that list. Your team is your most valuable and dependable source of confidantes. So you can imagine my shock when I learned, just recently, about my teammate and (I thought) close friend, Sarah Moisao's, ever-present and exhilarating love life. I have attached a chart to express my feelings on this recent headline.
















Oops, that chart was supposed to be just about Sarah...sorry about that little slip up in there where I brought up Erin's immaturity.

Anyway, since Sarah has been going through some changing emotions for the past 3 months and we have been completely in the dark, I can't help asking myself....

















I just hope that Sarah realizes that what she considers teasing and bullying is really just a sign of our utmost respect and appreciation for her sparkling personality. As you can see from the data, I don't truly think we're at too great a risk of Sarah genuinely not liking us, but I certainly wouldn't want to be placed in a category with DCF workers and strange co-workers...people with whom she cannot confide. Sarah, I love you AND your love and I want you to know that I will listen any time you want to talk about your boring boyfriend with no sense of humor.

FAIL...

Yesterday...while sanding my A$$ off at the house...I found myself just like TRACE--looking at the blog on my phone every half hour or so because I was SURE that someone was going to post something about the silly and SERIOUS events that took place the night before...however then I realized that a majority of the people in the blog did not attend the game...so then I tried to post something from my phone but it was an epic FAIL....my graph was going to either be about: % of people injured by HELL's-mentally and obviously emotionally...the lack of blogging and graphs on the website...the fabulous spread that Sar provided for us...the hilarious mess that almost occurred when Jess's son had to "poop" and she was up to bat...the intense-ness of Teri behind the plate (Thriller Dance, MF-er, and talking in a high pitch voice like Michael Jackson (I loved it all) or it was just going to be a plain old T-shirt and could express the LOVE I have for this softball team and how much fun I have every time! Anywho---my stupid phone couldn't make the graph and anyway the sawdust was getting in my eye and it was HOTTER than Africa-I'm talking HOT times 5. Stay cool bitches! :)

Also-I still can't stop thinking about the catch that Tara had it was amazing-WEB GEM!

KT and Trace and Britt-you were missed :) but obviously not forgotten seeya nexttttttttttt time!

That's what friends are for....

Hello "Friends" -

This week has really opened my eyes. I have recently come to terms with who my real friends are. These people will support you no matter what decision you make…..that is …..unless that decision is to attend a different softball game than the one they're playing in. After an in depth texting "conversation" with Jackie I realized there are very few acceptable reasons to miss a Cheshire Softball game. Although we'd all assume a Lil Wayne Concert is one of those items - we are in fact wrong. I'm simply embarrassed for anyone that would think otherwise.















As most of you know I did in fact miss a game this week for one of the above "unacceptable" items. This resulted in complete destruction of my reputation as a reliable player as well as the destruction of my self esteem. Should I have gone to Cheshire and skipped my co-ed game??? Should I have risked my co-ed team forfeit due to not enough girls to play?? Should I have never signed up for that team?? These were all thoughts in my head as I was laying in bed last night receiving ridiculous amounts of sh*t for missing one game. Which leads me to this….
























Now for those that chose to respond to my lack of attendance with Option D - Cyber Bullying - well shame on you...



















As I recover from the copious amounts of cyber-bullying I have been receiving I have to ask myself - is this abuse worth the joy of being on this team? Simple answer - yes.

Sunday night after a good weekend

I Checked the blog about 12 times since I left work on Friday. [But I think I normally check it 12-20 times a day during the week.]

At this point, I got sad that there was nothing new added. So I whipped out my new apps on the iPhone and worked up these charts. It mean to say, I think there is a correlation between having "outdoor fun" and ignoring the f-bag blog. Unless that outdoor fun happens during softball games, and then the next day enjoys a proportional bump in blog attention

PS- the apps I downloaded, pretty much suck in terms of not being able to handle more complex graphs. As you can imagine, these graphs should have been combined with an overlay of the 2 data sets. I do have an app that overlays data sets and makes more complex line and area graphs, but it won't let you export them

PPS- when are we going to sushi palace again?

Complete and Utter Confusion...

Ok...So I realize that I have been out of the loop for some time educating myself and....as Aretha Franklin puts it: "And Now (I'm) back from outer space!" But I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea what the frig is going on...I find the emails and blogs enjoyable and I laugh equally as hard but there are some questions and confusion that are going on inside my head! Can we help a sister out..I think that I am like the chart referring to Tracy's confusion when she was left out of the emails at the beginning.... lol

My Guardian Angel

So today when I arrived home from work I went through my usual routine of throwing my stuff down, greeting my pups and checking the mail. I assumed that today was going to be just like every other day, bills and useless credit card offers, but to my great surprise I had something special in the mail today, an actual letter! (Apparently some people still do that?) This letter was not a typical letter either. There was no return address! In a flurry of excitement and anticipation to find out who the mysterious sender of this letter was, I vigorously tore the envelope open and when I saw what was inside I knew I had a guardian angel watching over me. Right there was a shopping list made just for me listing off the fish that contain the LEAST mercury!! It even had a list of fish that contain moderate mercury and a note saying that I should only have 6 servings of those fish a month! Like I said, I clearly have a guardian angel watching over me because now I know what fish I can eat endless amounts of at Sushi Palace without getting mercury poisoning!

Using my impeccable deductive reasoning skills I noted that at the bottom of the shopping list it says that the source of information is the NRDC, so perhaps I have someone there watching out for me. I don't know if I will ever find out the sender of this saving grace, but I can only hope that when our blog goes public and we all make millions, that person might read it and know just how grateful I am. For now I feel that the best way for me to show my gratitude is by paying it forward and passing this shopping list onto all of you, so below I have inserted an image of the list. Normally I would have just rewritten the list, but I feel that seeing the actual list will have a greater impact on everyone.



Also, I updated my chart from earlier since some new stresses have come into my life and thought it was necessary to share it (not as necessary as posting the epic shopping list, but definitely more necessary than it is for our economy to turn around before I graduate)

Teri Time

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies –

I have been trying to enjoy the blog from a-far, but alas I have some important information to contribute. For starters I hope everyone is enjoying the season. I hope the beer caliber in the cooler has improved as the age of the team has decreased and I hope we continue to be supporting each other during through hits, and runs, and hits and runs and hits and runs and hits, and runs.

There has been a lot of progress this season:
- We got the CRAZY team to overlook a potential “WIN” (nice Jacks)
- Sarah was able to get an award by locating a friend’s missing cat
- We learned, I can get Jess’ bod by just taking steroids – wait till you see me at the next game. I will have lost 50 lbs
- In my spare time I started a relationship with a state trooper a few houses down. His wife was a total loser and my girls could not resist his kids or dog
- Ms. Lovelace and her clan has been injury free for at least 2 weeks which is progress compared to this winter
- Court is making her mother proud by playing her first softball game this season (thank goodness b/c she will need some brownie points as her future sister-in-law starts sucking up and winning over Nancy and Mark’s attention and affection)

The graphic below depicts the variance between my current participation on softball compared to my desire to participate in the 2011 Season:




Anyway assuming we have games next week. I hope to be there on…hold your breath…Wednesday.
Monday I am at The Hartford (I was hoping to see Sarah but alas she is too busy!) but Wednesday I hope to be with you lovely ladies.

In case you haven’t been keeping up with my hear fatal experiences via “The Facebook”, below is a summary of how I have spend the last few days:




XOXOXO Girls!